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Volume 1 issue 1 2004
How to Buy a Cemetery Plot
Books Of Interest
Planning For The Future
What Are Advanced Directives
Helpful Links
How to Buy a Gravestone
Choosing a marker or stone for your loved one's grave is something that you should do with great care and consideration. The stone will stand for generations as a reminder of the life of the deceased.
Steps:
1. Contact a manufacturer of grave markers and set up an appointment to meet. It's best if you get a recommendation from a trusted source, or you can look in the yellow pages under "Monuments."
2. Go to the monument company personally and look at photos or on-site types of grave markers the manufacturer provides.
3. Select the material for the headstone. Granite is most popular (and comes in a variety of colors), but you may also choose bronze or marble. Have the company show you actual samples of these materials.
4. Choose the type, size and shape of stone you desire. Remember that many cemeteries have limitations regarding headstone type and size. The monument company should review these limitations for you before you order the stone.
5. Determine what information will appear on the stone. Most monument companies include a certain number of letters or words in the price of the stone, but if you want more information, more elaborate carving, or pictures to appear on the headstone, you will have to pay more.
6. Go back to the company to approve the final layout. Before the information is carved into the stone, you will need to approve the design on paper.
7. Allow four to six weeks for completion of the carved stone.
8. Check the marker to be sure all information is correct.
9. Have the stone set. Either the monument company or the cemetery will be responsible for setting the stone, but you will have to pay an installation fee regardless of who sets it.
Tips:
Adding ceramic pictures to a headstone increases the cost.
Veterans may be eligible for special burial rights. See the Department of Veterans Affairs Web site (under Related Sites) for more information.
Warnings:
Monument companies suggest that you let some time go by before choosing a headstone for a loved one's grave. Such important decisions are difficult to make when you are grieving, and once your choice is "carved in stone," it will be difficult - and expensive - to replace if you decide you've made a mistake in judgment.
How to Buy a Cemetery Plot
Some people find peace in knowing where they will eventually rest in peace. Work with a funeral home to prearrange a purchase; expect to spend between $300 and $3,500 for a plot. As with buying other property, it's all about location, which can significantly affect the cost.
Steps:
1. Pick a cemetery. Consider family preferences, but look for a reasonable price. Military cemeteries as well as some connected with a specific place of worship may restrict entry to people who meet specific criteria.
2. Tour the grounds and ask for a map of available plots. Find out what the price differences are. (location adds to the cost.) If necessary, inquire about less expensive options at the same cemetery.
3. Add up the total cost of the plot. Are there opening and closing fees, and how much are they? How will payments be made?
4. Find out what happens if you change your mind. Can you sell the plot or transfer ownership to someone else?
5. Ask about the cost for adjacent plots if several family members want to be buried together.
Overall Tips:
Buying your own final resting place? Make sure you have left clear instructions in your will regarding your intentions(see How to Pay for Funeral Expenses).
Some cemeteries have restrictions about grave markers and decorations.
Books of Interest on Bereavement
• Baltimore: Johns Hopkins Univ. Press. Brabant, Sarah. 1996. Mending the Torn Fabric: For Those Who Grieve and Those Who Want to Help Them .
• Amityville, NY: Baywood Publishing Co. Byock, Ira. 1997. Dying Well: The Prospect for Growth at the End of Life .
• New York: Riverhead Books. Callanan, M. & Kelley, P. 1992. Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying .
• New York: Bantam Books. Corr, C.A., Nabe, C.M. & Corr, D.M. 1999. Death and Dying, Life and Living. 2nd Edition .
• Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing. DeSpelder, L.A. & Strickland, A.L. 1996. The Last Dance: Encountering Death and Dying. 4th Edition .
• Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing. Gomez, Carlos F. ---1991. Regulating Death: Euthanasia and the Case of the Netherlands .
• New York: Free Press. Klein, Alan. 1998. The Courage to Laugh: Humor, Hope and Healing in the Face of Death and Dying .
• New York: Anchor Books. McNees, Pat. 1996. Dying: A Book of Comfort .
• Champaign, Ill: Research Press. Wass, H. & Neimeyer, R. A. (Eds.). 1995. Dying: Facing the Facts 3rd Ed .
• Washington: Taylor and Francis. Webb, Marilyn. 1997. The Good Death: The American Search to Reshape the End of Life . New York: Bantam Books.
PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE:
THINKING ABOUT ADVANCED DIRECTIVES
by Emily Carton, MA LISW
When I began working with older people nearly twenty years ago, the idea that one day I would be old seemed distant and remote. Just as a child thinks of reaching the age of twenty one or thirty or forty as abstract and unimaginable, the idea of aging was something that I saw in others, but not in myself. Gradually I began to understand that the issues my clients and their families were facing were issues that I needed to think about now.
In my work I am often called to a home of someone who is suffering from a dementia or another incapacitating illness. Sometimes a person can no longer pay his own bills. Sometimes they are not receiving proper medical care or don't remember to eat. Family members don't know what to do. Who should be the person to make the decisions about the proper care or the proper use of resources? What should be done if family members or friends don't agree? How can you prevent these disputes from escalating to a legal battle? How do you help ease a family's burden? The harsh reality is that anyone can suddenly be struck by fate and lose the ability to act independently. Yet, even in incapacity, we can control our lives if we have planned for the future by instructing others of our wishes by preparing "advanced directives."
What are advanced directives?
Power of Attorney
This document allows you to name someone to act on your behalf in financial matters if you should, for example, become hospitalized and are unable to take care of your affairs. The person you designate is called your attorney in fact or surrogate decision maker. You may give the person who you name the power to pay your bills, deal with real estate transactions, and any other functions that you specify. This power can be revoked by you at any time and the document becomes invalid if you should become mentally incapacitated.
Durable Power of Attorney
This document takes effect at the time when you can no longer make decisions. This document must be written and signed when the you are competent and fully aware of what you are signing. Naming someone to look after your affairs when you are no longer mentally capable avoids the possibility of having the state appoint a guardian to make decisions for you. The Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care is the health counterpart to the Durable Power of Attorney. This document specifies who can make medical decisions for you in the event of incapacity. In most states this is known power of attorney for health care or health care proxy. This document deals with all aspects of medical treatment including nursing home placement. This document, as with all others, may be as general or as specific as you choose.
Living Will
This document pertains specifically to terminal illness and life support issues. By executing this document you specify how you feel about ventilators, tube feeding, dialysis, and other heroic measures during a terminal illness. The exact terminology and forms may vary from state to state. Although it is legal to create a document on your own, it is always advisable to check with your attorney about your specific needs.
How to begin:
Spend some time thinking about your values and how you wish to live your life. What does quality of life mean to you? What would happen if you were to become temporarily incapacitated and unable to take care of your affairs? Who do you want to act on your behalf? Do you want a friend, a family member, a lawyer? What kind of medical treatment do you want if you should be come incapacitated? How far do you want your physicians to go to keep you alive in the event of a terminal illness? Follow this by:
• talking with your family and friends about your wishes |
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• talking to your physician |
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• consulting your lawyer or a legal organization in your community to receive information and assistance in preparing your documents. |
It is a gift to those who care about you to let them know what you want. Then they can act on your behalf with the knowledge that they are carrying out your wishes.
Resources:
"Planning for Incapacity: A self help guide,"
Legal Council for the Elderly.
Each guide is for a specific state and offers a step by step guide to advanced directives.
Cost is five dollars.
Write to LCE P.O. Box 96474 Washington, D.C . 20090. Telephone: 202-4342152
http://www.worldwidefloralnetwork.com/
http://www.cem.va.gov/histhome.htm
http://www.growthhouse.org/death.html
http://healing.about.com/od/grief/